january/february 2007

The Southern Cruiser Crawl – Let's Crawl, Y'all

by Todd J. Kaderabek

The Southern Cruiser Crawl came at me like an intermittent thunderstorm. First I wasn't going, then I was, then I wasn't and finally I was actually on the road—400 miles of pavement to cover before I could get my tires muddy. This TLCA sanctioned event, in its second year of existence, is hosted by the CottonLand Cruisers of Mississippi, who were kind enough to point out to me before I left that the event was to be held in Alabama—not in Mississippi. You know, that's the kind of thing I just might do—drive to Mississippi to attend an event being held in Alabama.

The venue, Gray Rock ORV Park, is a 2,000 acre private wheeling location just outside of Mount Olive, Alabama. Not familiar with Mount Olive? Neither was I—it's about 15 miles north of Birmingham, sitting at 660 feet in elevation—and is the birthplace of Hank Williams (of Lovesick Blues, not All My Rowdy Friends). Despite the lack of mountainous terrain, there are trails of all types at Gray Rock—with names ranging from Bunny Slope to Flat Tire Flume to Cable Hill—and some of these trail names turned out to be a bit misleading. Gray Rock is red clay country littered with boulder fields and steep climbs. The property, an active mining operation (the trails are in a separate area) is constantly evolving at the behest of the owner and his heavy equipment.

Before I left, I read the Gray Rock FAQ and noticed that they allow no trail riding at night. I'm sure this disappoints some people but for me it's a plus. It means that all the faces would be around the campfire at night, which promises for a good time. Another good thing—no ATVs allowed. And you have to have a muffler and no open headers—this is surely not the rural Alabama that I know! They even consider cigarette butts to be trash—enlightenment is upon us indeed.

Leaving before dawn, I manage the 400 miles through North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia and finally into Alabama with no problems. Crossing the Continental Divide after exiting I26, I drive behind a lady in a Jeep with beer can size rollers in her hair—people still use these? Fuel costs are as low as I've seen in a long while, the leaves are transforming into their autumn brilliance and I'm clear on the inspiration for much of Carl Sandburg's poetry as I pass the exit for his home. My GPS is functioning as per the norm—showing that I am on no road at all even though I am fairly certain that I'm on 25S. The revival tents are going up as I near Greenville, SC, and pumpkin patches are everywhere. I merge on to 85S toward Atlanta and am greeted with a sign advertising the 24 Hour Adult Cafe—Couples Welcome! Thank goodness I'm traveling alone….

I plod further south, my fuel gauge moving at an inverse pace to my progress. Into Georgia at 9:30 AM, the speed limit moves up from 65 to 70 but I don't bother. Having risen very early I am content at this pace, drifting along in a somnambulant trance. 256 miles out, I purchase fuel—11 mpg—not bad at all. It's not long before I hit the I85 parking lot in Atlanta and call Steve Smith (who lives in Atlanta and is also going to the event) and am surprised to learn that he is only 20 miles ahead of me—now I have a reason to speed up, if the traffic would just move. When it finally does I am quickly greeted by the same scene on 20W through Alabama—gridlock. I finally break free and shortly thereafter an FJ Cruiser Trail Team vehicle whizzes past me in the fast lane—big wave, big smile. I must be close.

About this time my phone rings—it's Steve, who wants to know where I am. He's broken down on the side of the road about 9 miles ahead of me—fan and alternator belts sheared. By the time I arrive the Trail Team FJC is backing up on the shoulder to see if he can assist. We take a look at the situation and let him know that we're in good shape. The FJC heads off toward the event and we take my functioning 80 in search of belts for Steve's dysfunctional 80. Two stops later we have them and after some fumbling around with the idler pulley we have the belts installed and are back on the road...